The Goblin And The Wizard

Bradson stirred the contents of the pot, large chunks of meat and vegetables bobbed and bounced off the ladle. The stew’s aroma mixed with the tavern’s normal smells of tobacco, burnt candles, ale, and burning wood from the fireplace.

He looked into the dining room and spied a small goblin. The goblin had his head down on a table and was sleeping.

Bradson stirred the stew one more time and entered the dining room. He walked to the goblin and dropped a soiled rag on the table.

“Sanibel.”   

The goblin did not wake up at the mention of his name. Bradson silently swore and kicked the chair.  The goblin snapped awake and almost fell off the chair. He rubbed his eyes and sighed at the sight of the rag and Bradson’s scowling face.

“Sleeping on the job again? Your job is to clean tables and serve food!”

Sanibel tried to speak but Bradson grabbed the rag and shoved it in Sanibel’s mouth. “No buts. Check on the customers, throw some wood into the fireplace, and sweep the floor!”

Sanibel jumped off the chair and spit out the rag. Even by goblin standards he was not tall. He only came up to Bradson’s waist. He looked up at Bradson’s stern face and realized this was an argument he could not win. He slumped his shoulders, grabbed the rag and started working.

***

A few hours later Bradson was smiling. The tavern’s guests were content, some smoked pipes while others nibbled on bread and drank ale.  Even Sanibel had buckled down and performed well.

Sanibel walked past Bradson carrying a platter of dirty dishes.

Bradson was feeling a little guilty about the way he treated him earlier. “I will wash these. You sit down and take it easy for a few minutes.”

Without hesitation Sanibel transferred the tray of dishes to Bradson.

The small goblin scanned the room for an empty chair when a mighty voice boomed. “Ho Sanibel, will you join me?”

A large knight sitting near the fireplace smiled as Sanibel approached.

Sanibel enjoyed Syn’s stories. He was always vanquishing villains, fighting dragons, or rescuing maidens. The little goblin wanted to be heroic but never managed to leave the safety of the tavern.

“I struck down a most fearsome demon that had been plaguing the village of Ashland.  The demon’s claws were long and his fangs sharp but the village is safe now.”

Sanibel noticed that Syn’s left arm was sporting a bloody bandage. “Tell me everything about the fight, what did the demon look like? How did he hurt your arm?”

Before Syn could respond the door to the tavern burst open.  Icy cold air rushed in, a hooded, dark figure entered the room.

Syn’s eyes narrowed. “This could get interesting.”

***
 

The tavern went silent as the newcomer drew stares from all.

The black robed figure made eye contact with all in the tavern. The effect was instantaneous. Mugs crashed to the floor, forks bounced off tables as patrons ran to the exit. A couple of dwarves squeezed through an open window.

Syn laid a massive arm on Sanibel to steady him.

“Who is that?” he asked.

“Someone you don’t want to meet. Don’t speak Sanibel. Let me handle this.”

Syn raised himself up, calmly finished his flagon of ale. “What brings a dark wizard to a common tavern?”

“A knight of the realm. That explains why you stayed and the common riffraff stampeded.”

By this time Bradson had grabbed a dagger and was in the room.

Syn wasn’t swayed. “You did not answer my question. Why are you here?”

“Like the rabble that departed I also require food and drink. I have broken no laws and want to be served. If you bother me again you will see what a dark wizard is capable of!”

The dark man pointed to Sanibel. “Lackey, bring me stew, bread, and drink.”

Sanibel looked at Syn and Bradson with a questioning look.

Bradson put a hand on Sanibel’s shoulder. “I will help you.”

They went to the kitchen leaving Syn and the wizard in the room.

Syn sat at a table across from the wizard.  “You will treat the goblin with respect or you will see what a knight is capable of.”


The wizard smirked. “Do you realize how dangerous I am? I am versed in the high dark arts. I am a slayer!”

Syn slammed his fist the table, “I am a defender of this realm and more importantly Sanibel’s friend.”

The two glared at each other. The silence was interrupted as Sanibel placed a bowl of steaming stew, dark bread and a mug of ale on the wizard’s table.

“Is…this enough?” he stammered.   

Without looking at Sanibel the wizard muttered, “Leave, go back to the kitchen and prepare more food. Another wizard will be arriving and he will be hungry and thirsty.”

Sanibel ran to the kitchen.  The wizard grabbed a large wooden spoon and pointed it at Syn. “When I am done this meal I will deal with you outside.”

Syn nodded. “Enjoy the meal wizard it will be your last.”

The wizard plunged the spoon into the stew and held it aloft so it could cool. After taking a mouthful he began to laugh. “For someone who is minutes away from death you…..”

Syn looked up as the wizard turned blue and his face splashed into the full bowl of stew. Potatoes and meat flew onto the table as the wizard’s head slowly sunk into the bowl.

The wizard was motionless. Syn prodded the wizard’s arm with his sword. The arm fell lifeless and the spoon it held fell to the floor.

Sanibel slowly approached. “What did you do to him Syn?”

“Nothing Sanibel, he was mocking me. Then one of your larger pieces of meat or potato got lodged in his throat.”

“You don’t think he is faking it?”

“I doubt it.”

Sanibel climbed onto the table. He grabbed the wizard’s hair and pulled the head out of the bowl. A small potato piece was lodged in one of the nostrils. Clots of stew were tangled in his hair but more importantly the wizard was not breathing.

Bradson  said, “What’s going on?”

This startled the goblin and his grip slipped from the greasy hair. The wizard splashed into the stew again.

Syn sat down rubbing his chin with his hand. “It would appear that Sanibel has struck down a dark wizard with an oversized piece of potato.”

“I did no such thing. He did not chew his food.”

Bradson looked at Sanibel. “It’s okay Sanibel. We can bury the body out back and no one will be any wiser.”

“It may not be that easy.”

“What do you mean Syn?”

“The wizard informed Sanibel that another of his order would be arriving tonight. That means we have a few minutes or maybe a few hours before his companion arrives. It would not be good to have the wizard’s corpse in plain sight when he arrives.”

Sanibel shrieked and pointed to the table.

The wizard’s black hair turned gray and fell in clumps. The skin turned brown and flaked off his body. The rest of the wizard’s body turned to dust leaving a black robe and a gold ring at the table.

Bradson uttered, “How?”

Syn steepled his fingers and thought for a minute.  He then spoke, “It has been rumored that dark wizards live unnaturally long lives. Their magic keeps them from aging. I suspect that when the magic is gone there is nothing left to hold the body together. Sanibel go hide the cloak and ring, Bradson sweep up the dust.”

Both Bradson and Sanibel stood transfixed at the empty robe where just moments ago an impolite wizard was casting insults about. 

“Move!” Syn roared and the two snapped out their inactivity. Within seconds the table was cleared and the incriminating evidence was gone.

“Have we forgotten anything?”

“I don’t think so Syn.”

“Good, now we wait for the next wizard.”

***
 

The minutes turned to hours. Around midnight Sanibel dozed off.

“Can you get some coffee?”

Bradson nodded to Syn and left for the kitchen. He returned shortly with mugs of steaming coffee and brown bread covered in thick, creamy butter.

Syn grabbed a piece of bread. “It will be dawn soon the wizard must not be coming.”

“What do you think happened to him?”

Syn shook his head. “I don’t know. Perhaps there was not a second wizard. The wizard might have lied just to upset Sanibel.”

Rays of sun filtered through the tavern’s windows. Syn sheathed his sword. “I have duties elsewhere which must be attended to. I will be back around noon. If the second wizard shows up you tell him that his partner left at dawn. “

Bradson looked out the window. “Do you think he will believe that tale?”

Syn said, “There is no reason not to believe your story, just make sure you do the talking and don’t let Sanibel near him. That goblin could not lie to save his life.”

***

Later that morning Bradson was washing dishes from the previous night when Sanibel poked his head into the kitchen. “We did pretty good last night.”

“What do you mean Sanibel?”

“Since I defeated a mighty wizard I decided to claim his loot.” Sanibel waved his hand and his index finger sported the dead wizard’s ring.

“Take that off now. He choked on a potato you did not slay him!”

“Who cut the potatoes, who served the stew to the dark wizard?”

Bradson shook his head. When Sanibel got into one of his moods it was impossible to reason with him. “I don’t think you should be wearing the ring, we know nothing about it.”

“This ring is awesome. Look there is small writing on it, and besides, the second wizard is not coming. ”

Before Bradson could respond the sound of an approaching horse was heard.

“Uh Sanibel, last night we disposed of the wizard’s clothes and his ashes, but what about his horse?”

“His horse?”

“Yes, his horse. If that is the second wizard then we can’t tell him the first wizard left if his horse is still here!”

“Maybe its Syn returning or perhaps it is the first customer of the day.”

The door of the inn slammed open and icy cold air rushed in.

Bradson looked at Sanibel and sighed. “The second wizard just arrived.”

***
 

Bradson slowly entered the dining room. “What can I do for you?”

The black cloaked figure sat down. He did not look at Bradson. “I have a friend here. Go fetch him.”

“Can I get you something to eat, perhaps some stew with large pieces of potatoes?”

The wizard snarled, “Stop playing games, there is another one cloaked in a black robe. His horse is tied up outside. Fetch him or your tavern will be destroyed!”

Bradson silently swore and replied, “Oh yes, that black robed person. I will go get him.”

Bradson ran back to the kitchen, “What do we do now?”

The wizard shouted, “Bring me something to drink.”

Sanibel yelled, “One flagon of ale coming up.” He looked at Bradson. “Put on the dead wizard’s robe, make sure to put the hood on your head. In a few minutes run past the dining room window. Mount the dead wizard’s horse and ride a mile. Dismount and sneak back here.”

Bradson shook his head. “No, I’m not doing it. Your ideas always end in disaster. You do it!”

Sanibel shook his head. “I can’t, the robe is too big for me. We are running out of time. There is an omnipotent wizard in the next room. We have to convince him that his partner is very much alive and is not in this tavern. Just go!”

Bradson shook his head thinking, “I hope you know what you are doing Sanibel.”

Sanibel brought the wizard a flagon of ale and steaming bowl of stew.

The wizard scowled. “I did not ask for stew. Why did you bring it?”

Sanibel smiled. “Last night your friend thought this stew was to die for.”

The wizard stirred the stew. “There are certainly some large pieces of potato in this stew.”

Before Sanibel could respond the wizard snarled, “I am to meet another wizard and that is the only reason I am in this dingy, flea ridden hovel.”

Sanibel pointed to the window. “He is in the outhouse. He has been visiting it a lot.”

“That sounds like Amos, he has a weak stomach, can’t take him anywhere.”

Sanibel tried to look nonchalant and said, “I thought you would be shorter.”

The wizard slapped his hand on the table. “What are you talking about goblin?”

“Last night Amos had a lot to drink and he started talking about you. Are you sure you want to hear this?”

“If you don’t tell me I will turn you into a toad.”

Sanibel licked his lips and leaned in to the wizard. “Well, he told me that the wizard he was going to meet would mess his pants when casting basic spells. Also he did not know the front end of wand from the back end.”

The wizard’s eyebrow’s shot up. “I wouldn’t doubt that. He has always been jealous of my accomplishments.”

Sanibel looked at the chair and then back at the wizard.

The wizard nodded his head impatiently. “Yes, sit down. What else did he say?”

“The last thing he told me was the only reason he was going on this mission was to babysit you. To make sure you did not make a mess of things. He would prefer to do the mission alone.”

The wizard’s face turned red and he sputtered, “He thinks he can assassinate the Prince without my help then he is welcome to do the job all by himself!”

Sanibel was surprised. “The Prince? He is hundreds of miles from here in the city of Spaulding”

“No goblin, our sources tell us that the Prince and his entourage are travelling these roads tonight.”

Sanibel looked up and saw Bradson, in the dark robe, running past the window. “Look, there goes Amos!”

The wizard looked out the window and saw a black robed figure mount a horse and ride down the road.

Sanibel put both of his hands behind his head and leaned back. “You can plainly see that your friend has left and is now racing down the road.”

The wizard finished his flagon of ale. “Well I guess that is the end of the mission. I will leave and report to my superiors that Amos has gone bonkers.”

Sanibel reached for the empty flagon thinking, “And that is how you outwit a wizard.”

The wizard pointed his wand at Sanibel, “How stupid do you think I am?”

Before Sanibel could respond the wand flashed and Sanibel was thrown violently into the wall.

“You are wearing my friend’s ring. You did not think I would notice?”

Sanibel lay crumpled on the floor, licked his lips and tasted blood. He glanced at his hand and saw the dead wizard’s ring. Sanibel tried to stand up but the wizard placed his foot on Sanibel’s hand and pressed down. “I am going to kill you. You decide how you will die.”

Sanibel used his other hand to wipe his bloody lip. “What do you mean?”

“Answer my questions truthfully and you won’t feel a thing. Otherwise you die writhing in pain, begging for death. “

Sanibel who had never done anything remotely heroic surprised himself when he muttered, “You still owe me for the ale and stew. Pay up or I will throw you out of here.”

The wizard raised his boot and stomped on Sanibel’s hand.

The sound of breaking bones and Sanibel’s screams echoed throughout the tavern.

The wizard laughed and slapped Sanibel’s face. “How did you get the ring?”

Sanibel coughed up blood and spoke softly.

The wizard moved closer to Sanibel. “Don’t mumble when you speak to me.”

Sanibel tried to punch the wizard but he was too slow, too weak. The wizard easily grabbed the goblin’s fist and squeezed it causing Sanibel to scream again. The grinning wizard raised his smoking wand and announced, “I am going to enjoy this.”

***

The horse ride had started well for Bradson. He held both reins and sat confidently in the saddle as the horse sped down the dirt road. The steady gallop of the horse turned into a wild ride as the horse sensed that someone other than the wizard was riding him. Bradson was jolted painfully, his feet slipped from the stirrups and he lost his grip on the reins. He found himself with both hands around the sweaty, slippery neck of the horse. Realizing there was only one way this ride was going to end he hoped it would not hurt too much. The horse bucked and Bradson flew into the air, bouncing many times on the hard dirt road.

Spitting out a broken tooth, dirt and pebbles Bradson looked up and saw Syn mounted on a horse.

“There must be a good reason why you are riding the wizard’s horse and wearing his robe.”

Bradson got up on one knee. “I am trying to convince the second wizard that the dead wizard is alive and not in the tavern!”

Syn looked very concerned. “The second wizard is in the tavern with Sanibel?”

Bradson nodded yes.

“Didn’t I tell you not to let Sanibel anywhere near that wizard?”

Bradson stood up and felt a pain in his knee, he took off the robe and tossed it in the woods.  “Yes, you told me that…but Sanibel had an idea that at the time sounded like a good idea.”

Syn did not hear Bradson’s response as he sped toward the tavern.

***

Sanibel passed in and out of conscious. The dark wizard looked down at the goblin. “It’s no fun when you are unconscious.”

He grabbed a pitcher of water and emptied it on Sanibel’s head.  “Wake up. I am not done with you yet! ”

“You are done,” Said a voice from behind.

The wizard turned around and saw Syn entering the tavern.

The wizard calmly raised his wand and a green light struck Syn. He staggered and struck the wall. He tried to brace himself but lacked the strength. He slowly fell to the floor.

The wizard glared at Syn and spoke, “The sword is no match for a wand. Brawn is no match for intelligence. When will you cretins learn you can never win?”

He walked toward Syn, his smoking wand pointed at the knight.

Syn feebly raised his sword at the wizard.

Sanibel watched Syn collapse to the floor. He tried to scream but only a whimper came out of his mouth. He reached out and grabbed the wizard’s leg.

Taken by surprised the wizard stumbled and screamed as he fell on Syn’s sword. The blade sunk deep into the wizard’s chest. The wizard grabbed at his chest to staunch the flow of blood. His legs wobbled as he tried to stand.

In a strained voice he said, “Goblin, this is all your fault.”

He said no more as his body turned to dust.

Syn got to his knees and used his sword for support. He slowly stood up and made his way to Sanibel. He sat next to the injured goblin.

The knight spoke in a weak voice, “When Bradson told me you were alone with the wizard I feared the worst.”

Sanibel said, “Is Bradson ok? Where is he?”

“I left him on the road. He probably has a couple of bruises and a missing tooth.”

Bradson limped into the tavern and kneeled next to his two friends. “Are you both ok?”

Syn smiled and pointed to the dust from the dead wizard. “We will heal, unlike the wizard we will live to see tomorrow.”