Listen up, America, this is it, I’ve had it – up to here.
If I see, read or hear about one more zombie I’m going to open your skull
and eat your black, rotting brain.
If I see, read or hear about one more vampire I’m going to drive a wooden stake
through each and every one of your hearts.
If I have to listen to one more puffed up Idol singing that god awful pablum pop
I’m going to pray for Dee Snyder to make a comeback.
If I have to listen to one more semi-literate hip-hopster talking about and holding his junk
I’m going to pray for the return of Kurtis Blow, Run DMC, and the Fat Boys.
If I have to listen to one more urban cowboy singing about his tractor or his dog
I’m going to hogtie ‘em all and play Lefty Frizzell and Webb Pierce until the cows come home.
If I have to see one more televangelist telling me about his personal relationship with god
I’m going to go downtown and apply for admittance to atheists anonymous.
If I have to look at one more Kardashian skank and be expected to pretend she’s cool
I’m going to have to ...
If I have to surf past one more episode of Survivor, the Bachelorette or ….
I’m going to ...
If I have to watch one more TV newscaster talking to me about news they don’t understand
I’m going …
And if I have to listen to or read one more word from some whining, complaining poet
then I’ll just cut that poet off in mid-rant and stop right now.